October 12, 2012 by Jessica
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea lately.
We all have our own ways of dealing with things. Mine have mostly been self-destructive in the past. Nail-biting, binge eating, smoking. I’m trying something different now. I haven’t been all that successful so far. Mostly, I’ve spent a LOT of money on stuff. Not necessary stuff, just stuff.
My daughter was born on May 11, 2012, three months and three weeks exactly before her due date. She was too small to survive, so we made the decision to spare her pain and let her go naturally.
That day is one I’ll never forget. Not just because of it is the most terrible day of my life, but because I got to meet the most perfect little person that ever spent any time on the earth.
That’s what I have to keep reminding myself. I didn’t just lose her, I had her. I didn’t get to keep her for long, but I did get to hold her for a while. Got to watch her take a precious few breaths. Got to see the way her father, grandparents, and aunt looked at her with love in their eyes.
One of these days I’ll figure out a way to deal with losing her. For now, I’ll drink tea. And remember that at least I had her.